Purpose that Passion

They say, "If you can't figure out your purpose, figure out your passion. For your passion will lead you directly to your purpose." But is that really true? Throughout my life I have had phases where I absolutely love one thing and am obsessed with that one thing for the longest while, until I find a new fad that at that moment I can't see myself living without. And then I move on to something else. I remember as a little girl drawing was my thing; I felt invincible. I could write stories with my drawings, express my little thoughts, and feel like a true artist. That "passion" lasted for a while, but as years passed and I got older, things changed. Later, for a hot minute, I thought I wanted to follow in my mother's footsteps and be a teacher; that was short lived, as I figured out that I truly don't have the patience for all of that nonsense, and that a truly good teacher loves what she does. That wasn't me. When I got into middle school,  I loved fashion. I swore up and down that that's what I was going to be when I grew up: a fashion designer. I drew sketches, but that's about as far as I got. I didn't have the patience to learn how to sew either!!! Acting shortly followed, but only because I loved Disney Channel! And at that time who wouldn't die if they met Hannah Montana?! Yes! That was me, but my mother saved me by not letting me get much farther than the kitchen as my stage. High school came along and I was feeling like journalism was the thing! I loved making up weather reports and acting like I knew what I was talking about. And then I got lazy. That word laziness is something else. If we pay too much attention to it and let it seep into our lives, we aren't going anywhere!

Now, three years after graduating high school and a few months after graduating college with and Associates, I am sitting in my living room applying to all the jobs imaginable. Even washing the dishes. The struggle is real and it took me this long to figure that out. So I ask myself, now what? I studied Administration and I don't love it. I find it boring sitting at a desk all day. I need action, different scenarios, not a routine. And the thing is, if I knew what my purpose and passion were that would probably help a lot.

Let's see, things I like doing:

• Talking
• Being funny 
• Creating (when I want to, not because I have to)
• Writing (when I want to, not because I have to)
• And that's all I can think of now....

So, not all of us know out of the get go what we are to do, feeling a little lost or just bored, unhappy! For now, I'm pretty much keeping my house company when my friends are working. [And let me just say that I'm quite upset that summer is almost over and we've probably had one or two decent hot days. Winter better be a hot one.] As of now the only thing I've got is that I care for my people. That's about it. But don't get me wrong, I'm not Mother Theresa either. Lol

What are your thoughts on finding a purpose, a passion? 

Big Sister Satus

It's easy to be crazy and do what you want when you're the one doing it. But I've learned recently that when little sisters start acting all grown and stuff, ooh Jesus, you get up real quick and realize that shit just got real! I see my sister and younger friends, and think, I'm here for them, but if they do one thing out of place, I will kill a nigg! Lol I guess the overprotective big sis thing is kicking in! I try to breathe in and let them do their thing, and then two minutes pass by and I'm dying of a heart attack! You never know what these teenagers are up to; I was one myself! And then again I'm thinking, "there's no way in hell that I will be a parent if it means worrying for them like there is no tomorrow!"

Now, I know I'm only 21! But, hey, a girl can worry! I'm on that big sister status!

#Ain'tItFun

Boobs, Gummy Worms, and Free Stuff

Never a dull moment! Especially when least expected. The other day my friend Abby and I went to the waterpark to cool down after one of this summer’s rare scorching days. Full as ever, there were people from left to right, the lines to the slides were ridiculous, and it looked like the wave pool was our only choice, granted it was already full but we could sneak in. Finally we got to cool down, even with Band-Aids and other things floating around us we went right in to the waves, and this time they were violent…great! I think I burned one week’s amount of calories with those waves and then they were over. Sadly walking to the shore of the pool, I noticed people staring, so of course we joined in. And much to our chagrin there was a teen girl with her boobs popping out of her swimsuit and she didn’t seem to care! Oh America! You don’t ever seem to stop surprising me! Later when we were about to leave, we heard one of the funniest tantrums ever! This 12 year old girl got mad over gummy worms because her sister took them from her. She stomped, crossed her arms and started screaming! It was a sight to see and confirmation that I’m okay just being an aunty! But I understood her, I wanted gummy worms too! And then we found money, sunscreen, and Nike sandals…oh yeah! Lol Good times, good times!

Flying Above

Crazy! Yes, crazy! Time is flying and I can't seem to catch a break! Now it's Saturday and I still can't figure out how it is that yesterday was Sunday night and today I wake up to Saturday morning. At least it's the weekend, but it is Mother's Day weekend so I guess I'm not completely out of the woods yet. Later today, I expect loads of shopping for the perfect gifts, picking out the right outfits, and who could forget taking a selfie!!! Yes! So I guess I'm not off the hook yet, but I suppose I will take this day with a grain of sand, making the most of my time and breathing in and out when I feel like I'm losing it.


Based on past experiences, when I know I need to get something done I usually procrastinate, but in the end I press on until I get it done. But I know that this is life and something small could happen that could threaten my good moods, sabotage my peace, and bring on the anxiety. So what do I do? Phillipians 4:6, "Do not be anxious about anything..." And here comes my breathing in and out and counting to 10. So with that verse in mind, get ready to enjoy the day and press on.

Compliments

There's something about compliments that just boosts people up, especially when they're least expected.


Earlier today I was waiting in line at Walmart for my turn. I was minding my own business, lost in my own thoughts, when all of a sudden, I was brought back to the present time by a man's voice. "I like your haircut." he said. "My hair?" I replied in confusion. "Yes, its very cute. I saw you coming over and I thought 'how cute.''' Surprisingly, I felt my spirits lift in a second. That simple compliment really did cheer me up, even though I wasn't upset to begin with.


With that simple, random act of kindness, I was reminded that kindness and compliments go way deeper than perceived. Sometimes that's all people really need, a positive, encouraging word. So from now on I have to make a conscious effort to not only, think that someone looks nice, smells nice, or has an amazing talent, but I will make them know it. Let us be our mutual encouragers.
Let us be the light of the world that we are called to be, and random acts of kindness are just the beginning.

Just Say It

Here I am past midnight, glued to my iPad, trying to ignore the anxiety that won't leave me alone tonight. I have checked emails, crossed off to-do lists, and cleared the much visible track of clutter I leave behind me with every step I take. 

It caught me off guard tonight, this anxiety, out of nowhere, like a thief in the night. And now, I can't sleep. Much to my disadvantage,  my heart is beating at what seems to be a hundred miles per hour, my legs are achy, and I'm hungry. Could it be that my body is reacting to something that I have not made myself aware of yet? Like my nerves for finals? Or perhaps I am too excited about my dreams and goals to even let myself catch a breath! Whatever it may be, I find myself breathing in and out, counting to ten, and trying to reassure myself that this too shall pass. What seems like an eternity with this anxiety is nothing but a moment passing away.

Now, as I find a way to distract myself from the loud beating of my pounding heart, I can honestly say that today was a great day. Nothing out of the ordinary happened; I went to work, made a few people laugh, went to school and survived, made a few Avon deliveries, and bam! I was home. Safe and sound. I had the great privileged of owning a shower and using it, soft pjs to match, and a comfy bed that doesn't creak when I move an inch. Today was great. But now comes the hard part, falling asleep. 

Should I read? Pray? Meditate? Pray seems to be the best answer. I mean, I have a Friend who's always there to listen and I barely take up the offer. What kind of relationship is that? A whack one if you ask me! So as I lay here reminiscing about my day and sharing with you guys, I am reminded that when I am most anxious, most bored, most anything, I have a listening ear on speed dial, even when I can't find words,  He understands. Ah, that did the trick. I am more at ease now, more relaxed. Seems like just being still and knowing that He is God (Psalm 46:10), is enough to calm the seas of  my raging heart. 

As I prepare for bed, I wanna leave you guys with a song, a song about the name Jesus. There is power in it, even when we don't know what to say. Even when the anxieties of life seem to trap us, the name Jesus just calms the storm and brings peace. If you haven't experienced
 it for yourself, just say it, think it, believe it, and He will be there.

                                       

Beauty, Lip Gloss, & Enthusiasm

I have been doing some thinking lately, a lot actually, and I think I have come to the conclusion of what I want to do with my life, or at least what my passion is. I love makeup. I love that one can go so many different ways with it and have many different looks; it's an art! I also love that I can use it to fit my mood. If I'm feeling glum, happy, dramatic, and so on, I can portray that through how I do makeup. Also, helping people feel great about themselves is a great advantage! I am currently in the search of finding a makeup artistry school, and I actually just found a makeup course online! I'm trying to contain my enthusiasm until I have the green light, then, I'll go all out!